Thanks Petunia. I'm waiting for my night meds to kick in so I can finish this night... (and I won't say it, but wish I won't wake in morning...at least not like this.))

I'm also struggling with the idea that my attorney believes it's all psychiatric...all in my head -only- in my head... and that's why they want my T on the visit??? Like I'm causing all this in my head??? That isn't possible to create lesions on the spine, bone spurs in the neck... I know my PT and my T both assure me I have real physical disability..

you'd think after 19 years of this stuff I wouldn't be questioning... it's the PTSD I know... but I work so hard in therapy to be able to function...to not be triggered...

and they are right that the team wouldn't get into my home by themselves... but they videotaped me for 2 years solid one stretch and know my limitations... they paid for help before... why are they insisting on a home visit NOW???

I fear also that once they do visit, I won't feel safe in my home anymore..and will have to move again. Haven't had a chance to share THAT with T...but I'm pretty sure he already knows this... he is the expert in PTSD, right, not me.

I hate this. I really really hate this.