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I don't know how anyone deals with real tragedy. I have never had anything horribly traumatic happen to me. It appalls me that such things can happen, and do happen, and will continue to happen. We hope that we live in a country where there is a well-functioning justice system that rights wrongs. That has never been completely true, and I don't believe it ever will be, here, or anywhere in this world.
Your love of your stock is what I think causes you the most pain. You can't just have a "Fire Sale" and close down, like other businesses do, then reopen again somewhere else, under a different name. You built your reputation as a trainer, so your name counts. Where you conduct your business is also your home. If I understand rightly, you and your animals live on the same property. They probably sleep not far outside the window of the room in which you sleep. An animal farm is something special. You can't just close it up, like a retail store. Farms do get lost. American law used to care about providing special protection against that. I think that's been weakened over time and benefits the rich land owners more than anyone. Can't say I know all that much about life in rural America, being a city girl, all my life.
I'm just extending condolences, which don't pay any bill, but they are heartfelt. There is so much heartlessness about animal treatment, that it is important to encourage anyone who cares for the welfare of their animals. You seem to be doing that to a point that is hurting you financially. That's why your farm is not merely a business, where a businessman could make decisions based mostly just on bottom line.
You are facing and will continue to face hard decisions. A fair legal decision could alleviate some of that, but that seems to be awfully slow in coming. Even a city girl knows that "Time is Money." A hungry horse can't eat an I.O.U. May you have the strength to do the best you can, and the even greater strength to accept that sometimes tragedy does not get compensated for and that has to be born by the human heart as best as possible. No court ordered compensation mitigates the pain the animals have endured. You may not get a fair judgement. Bad people do get away with wrong sometimes, or they get away with it for too long before they get stopped.
I didn't mean to get all dismal on you. Surely that won't help. I'm just sorry for all this serious trouble you have. I don't say I'm any example of the following, but what awful harm people survive is truly incredible. You have survived very hard things. I hope something brings you joy tomorrow, and lets you live in that moment, with your cares put aside for awhile.
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