Hello,

I have been studying abroad in Europe for 2 months and have 8 weeks left before returning home to America. I have a boyfriend back home whom I've been officially dating since April. It was a complicated relationship for 2 years because my family did not approve of me dating him, simply because he is not of our faith (I'm 22). However, I'm with him now with my family's reluctant approval. I'm feeling so strained by the distance right now, despite the fact that we talk everyday. I feel like I need him to constantly reassure me of his feelings for me and to tell me that I'm pretty and those other things that make me feel good about myself. I have always had low self-esteem and it is affecting me greatly. I have a very serious, hard exterior so people actually think I'm very stuck up, which is far from the truth. I would like to kno how I can deal with my self-esteem problems; I had been in therapy for almost a year until leaving for Europe and have not had any contact with my therapist at home since both of us agreed that I was done with it. However my self-esteem problems have not "disappeared"; I feel like they have gotten worse.

I can't even see or know that my boyfriend has female friends without feeling extremely insecure and desperate to impress him, which is ridiculous given that he hasn't given me a reason to feel this way until recently. We are both virgins and I think he's getting very sexually frustrated. He told me he could not guarantee that he would not cheat on me if he was drunk, which was terrible. Almost immediately after he made that comment he apologized profusely and continues to apologize. I accepted his apology and came to the realization that I feel like I CANNOT be without him. I think that even if he did cheat on me I would take it. I don't feel like I'm ready to have sex yet even at 22 years old, but I'm going to do it as soon as I get home because I really don't want to lose him or risk being cheated on. This is why I feel like I'm probably just really emotionally dependent on him and need him to make me feel good about myself with the things he tells me.

What can I do about my situation? How can I see if I really am just emotionally dependent on him or if I'm in love? I feel extremely happy when I'm with him or talking to him, but when I'm not I'm constantly obsessing about him talking to other girls and I find myself fantasizing about him cheating on me, which makes me feel horrible and anxious to talk to him.

Thank you for reading and for any advice.