I work full time through family connections. Nothing else. And in my original post I said "I just feel as though I don't really want anything from this life". That's a large chunk of the problem.

I sort of...lack the motivation to?

It's hard to explain, but I sort of don't have the drive for self-growth? I'm not sure whether I experience it in episodes or not, because maybe the residual effect post-episode leaves feelings of discontent. I guess I've just been stuck in this "don't care/life is pointless" mindset for quite a while, and I don't know whether it is an actual clinical condition or a cynical/immature attitude.