Maven,

I know that making those arrangements are very difficult. My Father didn't have any of his arrangements set when he died & my Mother & I had to do it all. It was an unexpected death that came very suddenly, so making those arrangements on top of the shock we were in, made it very difficult. The pastor at my Mothers church helped us through it (I am an only child). At that same time, my Mother made the same arrangements for herself to make sure she would be burried next to my father & through the same mortuary.

She ended up dying of cancer last year & I because of the situation I was in, it was a good thing that she had made the arrangements. Because of her desire to be in her home, a situation arose where the home care RN pulled ID Theft with my Mothers ID & I caught her doing all kinds of financial abuse within the 5 days she was there before she OD'ed my mother on morphine. Going through that & catching the RN along with the threats & having the police called to accuse me of abusing my Mother, it ended up being a trauma that really messed me up mentally & I landed in the medical hospital being treated for anorexia from the stress at the time when my Mother died. I even had to go AMA from the hospital in order to go to the funeral, & I don't remember much about what I actually went through but the PTSD still haunts me.

I was actually very relieved that she had everything arranged as to the places & everything was paid for. The only thing I had to do was determine how the funeral itself would be. Because of the relationship between her boyfriend being the across the street neighbor from the RN (he & his daughter recommended the RN) & the fact that her boyfriend was from my mothers church, I made sure that the church had nothing to do with the funeral, but let them do whatever they wanted for a memorial service the week before the funeral. I kept the funeral to only close friends & family that I felt safe being around in order to protect myself from the RN.

I know that making those arrangements for your Mother let alone having her expect you to make the same arrangements for yourself is stressful. As long as your arrangements can be transferred to where you will need them in your future, it will probably save some pressure from your mother & make her feel better at this time. I am sure she is stressed doing it all alone without you & that is probably why she is wanting you to be included in the arrangements (even if they aren't what you really want for yourself).

I also am not real familiar with OCD, but it sounds like your boyfriend is very understanding & supportive. I am glad you have him to lean on & glad he is going along to support you in this tough situation.

Take care of yourself the best you can...I know that anticipation of days like this are tough to get through......but it will be over soon.

Debbie