When I started this case I was still addressing injuries. And I was still trying to get over the psychward and it really took time for me to look at everything and put it all together.
It was like I could only just look at so much. I didn't really understand how much the PTSD was effecting me. I didn't have money to get help and I didn't even know that there were words attached to me that were wrong in files from one therapist and the psycward. The psychiatrist that released me didn't really explain to me the depths of PTSD and he never mentioned the other diagnoses and he didn't even say in his own records that agreed or disagreed, only that he felt I had PTSD. I really thought it was something that would go away like a grieving process.

I had to be stronger because my husband broke down too and my daughter wasn't doing well either. It was always my job to be the strong one, even when I was really struggling and lost in my past. And it really took time before I could look at all of it and put it together. And my subconscious knew that there was more there but I had to look at it all slowly. And the pony that died was the hardest to look at and really allow myself to see the length of her pain and I had to learn to somehow allow myself to understand how many of them choked and what that meant, because there really was too much caos to be able to really stop and see the time line and how everything happened. And once I did that and saw it all and put it all together, it was really hard to see that my neighbor was allowing so much to happen while I slept. And once I saw that things happened on Sunday and Monday nights, I could not understand why those nights. And originally the intial attorney just put in her own start date because I hadn't really been able to figure all that out and that was before that one pony died and I was just beginning to see how bad everything was after that last time when my husband and I both saw the dog in full view running and running in circles around them all. I had no idea how much damage that was going to present, not in my wildest dreams. And then when my neighbor yelled at me and told me he knew for a fact their fence went down the beginning of May and that they were trying to find the breach, I finally had the answer to my constant question. And to know that they knew all that time and I was asleep while everything was being taken, I cant get that out of my head. I feel awful that happened and that they knew. I could never have imagined that, ever.

So when I was with my attorney, I was pretty much in shock and I did the best I could but I didn't know how bad I really was. I made sure my attorney had every detail, every bill, every injury and then all the medical records for all the animals. I did a lot of work and putting it all together was really hard on me.

I was struggling the whole time and then I had to deal with how botched up my medical records were and I did try to go back to the psychiatrist and he charged me over $500. for that one visit. And he saw it and he could have just stated in his final report about my visit with him that after seeing me and evaluating me he didn't agree with the other diagnoses, and his official diagnoses was PTSD. That is all he had to say. And at the end of our conversation, and I did have all my files with me, even the appraisal of the horse, he just looked at me and cocked his head and in a serious way, said, "you are very misunderstood". I could not have any time to address that comment, time had run out. I don't see why he could not have just done the right thing. He saw it, but wouldn't help me.
All I asked for was the truth, that is really all I want.
Open Eyes