Ok well rather than explain all that nonsense above i'm going to post an update here.

The past few weeks have been really tough. My husband and I seem to be fighting more than we usually do. I think he actually resents the fact that I am on medication and getting help with my disability. I have stopped going anywhere public with him because we always end up in a public fight and i think it's bad enough that i feel like crap from us fighting at home but to have others look at you with sympathy because your husband is berating you in public is just too much for me.

The last week or so when we fight he has just grabbed the keys and left without a word to me. He always comes back in a better mood but i'm sitting there wringing my hands wondering what he's doing or if he's coming back.

Today we got into it over something silly (it usually is something petty and small) and he started throwing things. He threw a lighter over my head and hit the wall just above me. I wasn't expecting it so i was shocked and starting crying. Then he jerked the dry erase board from the hallway wall and in the process of throwing it he hit my arm with it. Gonna have a good bruise from that one tomorrow. That was it, I yelled F You! and told him the only reason he ever wanted me around was for a punching bag and someone to blame for everything he didn't want to deal with.

He said he would just leave me and grabbed a bag and left. I don't know what to think. I have no idea whether he will come back or when. I think right now i'm hoping he will stay gone for a while.

Sad part is today is our anniversary of when we first met. Two days from now will be my birthday. I know it sounds silly but if he's not here by my birthday i'm planning to get a u-haul and get my stuff and make the 500mile trek backto where my family is. Of course they all want me back home but i am a big ball of nerves at the moment so it's hard to be happy about seeing them again.

ON top of that the grandparents that have been taking care of my child just got back news from the doctor. Her grandfather is ordered to have much less stress or else things are going to go very bad for him. I feel bad that they are taking care of her to start with , but with this news I'm thinking maybe a move back home on my own might be best for me and her.

I shouldn't have to mention to anyone who has been in this kinda relationship but I am having torn feelings about leaving him. I found out that we both have borderline personality disorder and I do love him very much.
But at this point in time i feel like we are bad for each other, like we bring out the worst in each other. I don't remember the last time i was just happy for no reason. I used to be. I just wanna get back to that.

so i.e. ....lots of changes in store for Diversion i guess