Thanks Caretaker,
Not many people choose to fight back. Some might say that the neighbor might get worse etc. and yes it is a long fight. But if I had not taken on this fight, it would have been worse for me. This, without the lawsuit even, has effected more parts of my life than I could have ever imagined. So, basically my neighbor already did the worst, I lost too much and I have been paying on the debt that should not be mine. As far as my suit goes, I didn't have the right attorney, or I had a good attorney but he is dealing with some kind of issue that is impairing his memory.

And even without the lawsuit, I still would have broke down and ended up in the psychward, there was just too much loss, it was more than I could take both physically and mentally.

Leo, some people have to stand up and fight back, had it not been for those that did fight back I would not have the laws that clearly state that my neighbor is responsible for the damage his dog did to my livestalk. I think about that often Leo and I am one who wants to continue, I do have a good case, it is my attorney that is not doing his job.
I just have been so busy trying to manage the farm, the business loss, and the PTSD that was getting worse without my realizing it that I went into depression. As I have become more familiar with it, I see how it progressed without my knowing.

When I was a little girl, I went for years suffering and I didn't tell. I was afraid and I didn't know what to do and I have learned that we can't live our lives that way. I don't want to be that little girl anymore. I am actually still dealing with a sister that is Dr. Who and thinks she knows it all and she always had to be in charge. Well I had to finally stand up to her and she has no clue to what I deal with, she has it in her head that she can diagnose me with her own self proclaimed all knowingness. And she did that with my mom too and she was wrong. She was convinced my mom had dementia even though the doctor tested my mom and found her to be normal. The one thing my mom did have, was a stroke. And my mom had surgery and had trouble with the anesthesia, again my sister went on that demencia search and against the surgeons advice had a therapist see my mom and give her Rameron antidepressant. Now that made my mom worse and she would not eat, and I have a lot in common with my mom and I could not take Ramaron either, it made me sick. So I had to go into the rehabilitation hospital and listen to my mother complain of being nauseous all the time and she wouldn't eat and was losing weight, and my sister wanted to make sure I didn't talk to the doctor, she still doesn't want me to talk to the doctor. And I had called my sisters daughter and simply left a message for her to call me because I had a quick question. I came home yesterday to a long message on my machine from my sister that went on and on. And I also had stopped to see my mother on Sunday, and they didn't like that, hmm what are they hiding I wonder. And my dad doesn't want any interference because he wants my neice to keep track of my mother and mother really doesn't know anything. So even though I should have the right to know whats going on, I don't get to really know.

My mother and I have always been very close, and I promised my mom that I would not let them put her in a home, because that worries my mom. But in all honesty if that time ever came, I don't know what power I would have. And that is another reason why I wanted my records corrected, because I know my sister will take every opportunity if that time comes to paint me bad. My sister is four years older than me and she was always a controller.

And that part of my life I have not really talked about here. But the battle with the PTSD has made me very careful about being around my mother, especially when I had a flashback in front of my mom that froze me. I would have never wanted that to happen, and it frightened me. And my sister was there when I was told she wasn't there and she triggered it. Thankfully my sister didn't see it because God knows what she would have called that. My sister doesn't know squat about PTSD, and for all I know she may have a hidden worry that I may reveal some things about her in my very early childhood. I think she is hoping I have forgotten. But as many know, those kind of memories are not forgotten.

I am stuck, lawsuit or not, so I might as well follow through. I don't care about the depositions any more. I will do whatever I have to. And I don't have the psychological damage, so they cant get into my past. That part I have left out because my neighbor has no right to know my past.

Today I had a chemical dump, that is probably more from my sisters long condescending message than anything else.

I am still going to do the work, try to find ways to deal with the PTSD and do the best I can.

Leo, that was really nice of you to read all my long posts. I have come to really care about the people here at PC. I know I can't see you all, but it has been so nice to know you all. It has really helped me a lot, I can't say it enough.

Open Eyes