Quote:
Originally Posted by (JD)
 (((O E )))) You have to schedule and work at taking a break. Why do you think I play all those games in the arcade here? It forces me to NOT think about all the bad things in my life, all the miserable injustices that have occurred "to" me in the past that do me no good revisiting.
I'm glad your T asked if he was helping you. Until you reach that point where you don't want to go in and rant and rant about all that's going on but begin to work on HOW it's affecting you and HOW to change how it's affecting you, HOW you are reacting and HOW T can help you learn to RESPOND instead (not a knee jerk automatic reaction that is normal for PTSD, but a habitual calm, active response that attacks the problem level-headedly...) well you won't heal. (Wow that was too long of a sentence!)
You need to find what you do need from T. I often tell my T... ok I need you to .... when I find I keep doing or saying or ruminating over something and need to get out of that rut. You might begin (if you're ready) to tell T... I need you to limit me to 10 minutes of relating the current events, and then help me move to changing how to look at them differently.
For another example, I recently asked my T to help me with looking at Christmas differently than I have since the injury(PTSD)... because for the last several years I haven't even put up decorations because??? Because (T says) I'm bitter. Yep I think that could be it... no one comes to my home, no one sends me or brings me any presents, no cards and maybe a phone call after the fact/day from a brother.  How is that Christmas? But of course, Christmas is Christmas because of what happened 2000 years ago, and I need to remember how to rejoice and be happy JUST because of that fact!!! Regardless of who is in or not in my life... etc. See? T will help me find the joy in Christmas that PTSD has caused me to focus on the negatives and such about what isn't happening during the holidays.
I'd keep your T for now... see if you can give him guidance as to what you really need. Trust me, I know you need to vent some about current activity, yep, or else you feel "no one" really knows what you go through daily. But then, you need to work on WHY you are reacting the way you do, well we know it's PTSD, but to realize the mechanics of it all... T can help with that. Once you begin to see the nuts and bolts of it, you can begin to dismantle the beast.  |
See now when I read this about Christmas, that is really sad, that is really when I wish I lived near you JD. I would definitely send you a card and I would call you and wish you Merry Christmas. I know you struggle and I have that distance too with those that don't understand PTSD. My last Christmas my daughter never called, but now she is coming around. I really would like her to sit with my T and have it explained to her. I know my sister has Dr. Whoed her with her poisen, that really gives me the creeps, actually goes way back, I don't like it.
That is one thing I don't like about PC, we are all so far apart and I have really close feelings and respect for many of the members here and I really wish I could actually visit them and give them a real hug if they need it.
JD, guess what, I never got to take my Christmas decorations down from last year. I never got to it, well, all I have to do now is bring up the little fake tree and Ill be all set. Ugh isn't that awful, I just never got to it this year.
Ofcourse I don't have them up outside, and I just have them in my family room but my mantle over my fireplace is still got the pines with the lights and the Christmas dishes are still in to open hutch and the candle shandaleer is still adorned with greens and my little white caroucel horses. I will just have to blow the decorations off to make sure they are not dusty.
I used to really be into Christmas decorating, wreaths on all the windows and green garland everywhere, wreaths on the barns, very traditional. I have that very traditional taste, country but also I like a little victorian and of course traditional.
I was actually in the process of some projects and then I had some big set backs, surgery and the colonoscopy and then the damaged horses and so I never got the chance to finish. I have to think about that when I get back into my life again.
Well, not to get off track, but I do wish I could make personal rounds on Christmas, that would be really nice, I could go and visit Rose and give her hugs and sit for tea, and stop by and see the Byz. and then swing over to your apartment or whatever. If only we were in a town instead of spread so far apart.
Open Eyes