T said I have to be done. She said there's no point in doing trauma work because trauma will just keep happening. She said there's no point in waiting until I'm more stable because I'm as stable as I'm going to be.

I can't quit crying. I can't cope. I'm so torn up. I love her and I hate her. I want to see her tomorrow and I want to never see her again. I am confused and hurt and sad and at the very, very end of my rope.

I don't know if coming here will help me or hurt me, so if it's too hard then I'll stay away. On the other hand, maybe I will need the support. I don't know. I can't even imagine how I'm going to get through the rest of the day.

I don't know if I can survive this, and I don't know if I want to.