"Find healthy people to deal with, not these dysfunctional ones who will suck the very life out of you until the last drop."

"Forgiveness is nothing more than giving up your need to see them punished for what they did. You can forgive and still never have anything to do with them ever again."

(Don't know how to quote yet)

Thank you Sannah and LovebirdsFlying! You are also both very wise!

Finding healthy people is scary, a bit of a challenge - then you know you have to behave (joke) - but also recognizing healthy people (I guess that's the majority of the population of the Earth). Growing up in a sick family didn't seem anything other than normal at the time. I thought most families were like mine, which is why it was so long before I asked for help. Boy! when I discovered a different, kind, loving type of human being it was a big shock - a great relief, but I cried long and hard and was confused for a while, but ultimately it was an enormous opportunity for humbling and healing myself.

What you said about forgiveness is wonderful - with that in mind I can already see that I have forgiven my stepfather and my mother... there's still some work to do on my father and my siblings, but it seems to be within the normal spectrum of gripes and grumbles. Even if I do discover that some other grizzly memory rears its head and I've some more work to do on that... I know I don't want any of them to be punished - no point in that. But it is very satisfactory that I don't have to feel obliged to have anything to do with them. Some work to do on the "having to feel obliged" - I think!