I read it front to back and no needs for apologies. Venting like this is a very healthy thing to do and I highly encourage you print it out and show it to your shrink, fantastic idea. That way, even though you would struggle to say it, he/she can at least read it and go from there.

Sorry to hear about your sister. I read on a page related to this site, actually a suicide talk-down page, that the only reason people think of or chose to committ suicide is because the physical and emotional pain they are feeling becomes more than they are able to cope with. All the person is looking for is final relief from the pain. The page then raises a very good point: you can't feel the relief from all the pain if you're dead. For some though, the pain is far more than they can bear and they feel that ending it all is their only option. It is a personal decision, no one else can chose for them.

I had a similar outburst with my brother related to my mother. I told him some very disturbing things my mother has told me, and only me in the past. This scared him greatly. He also went to a psychiatrist visit with me and the things I was saying must have stressed him to the max because just as I got into the thick of things he left out a terrible wail and went into an epileptic seizure, his first in over 1.5 years.

Your brother that you say lives in his head. This is his coping mechanism. Reverting to his own mind is how he shelters himself from the world and all the pain the real world brings to him. You can't blame him. If you had a secret hiding spot you could go where no-one could hurt you and you had no worries, you'd like going to that spot too.

With the job. Time alone to think is also bad for me. i dwell on things I shouldnt. I also get bored and start thinking of unhealthy or stupid things to do. Stuff that could get me fired or hurt. I work the night shift in a warehouse at a coal mine. I'm the only one in here for most of the night. The only thing that keeps me sane is my music and this site.

If I missed anything let me know. I'm open to discuss anything.

I hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes