Last year my boyfriend of 5 years at the time cheated on me. It was devastating and heartbreaking. I spent my so long limiting romantic relationships to avoid being hurt. When I met him, I realized I couldn't keep hiding and for a year I kept all of my walls up. I still didn't want to get hurt, even though nothing about him suggested the case. But he stuck with me through all the tests I gave him -set up to prove that he wasn't worthy of being trusted. He stuck with me and passed them. So eventually I had to lower the gate.

And things went great. Until last year. One freaking night to tear my world apart. One night that has led to 428 days of consequences. Not just for him but for me. I pay the consequence for his choice. The consequence of lowering the gate.

I just don't know how to get through. I love him still, and we are working on things but I'm exhausted. I'm exhausted from being sad and suspicious and angry and ....everything else. I want us to be normal again. I want us to be happy together again. But I don't know how