Hi Anne back! I was thinking along the same lines, I just didn't have the words for it. I was pondering an example in mine and my friend's life, where we were both excluded from a family thing because we were female - for me it was just a group photo at a family reunion, for her it was one evening of weeklong vacation - hmm, I was trivializing mine, but maybe in terms of percentage of time, it really wasn't that different? My friend was traumatized by her exclusion, it practically ruined the trip. Me - yeah so there was a moment of embarrassment, but I used it to realize that geeze I really WAS all alone growing up, my only other female cousins had moved away. So you're right, we don't know what's going on with zoo, and a lot of my friend's stuff IS from FOO, or otherwise out of her hands, but there is definitely stuff under her control.