I've tried so hard with this T, you guys. It's been 3 years, and it's been hard, mostly because of me. I think I need to be done. I just talked to her and it was pretty bad. I asked if she is burned out on me and she said no, but she said it with so much anger that I think her tone said more than her words.

I can't even...I'm just crying so hard right now. I want to keep trying to work things out with her because I want to believe it will somehow be better, somehow feel better. I want to trust her when she says that it WILL be easier if I relearn the emotion regulation skills, but I don't know if I can even learn something from her any more, you know? There is so much pain there. So much hurt. I think that, for me, continuing to go see her is just going to keep me in a state of emotion dysregulation.

I am grieving. I am trying to keep the rest of the things in my life going along but inside I'm just so broken up. I think dragging this out any longer will just increase my suffering. I hope I'll feel stronger soon and can start actively looking for a new therapist, because I really really need help getting through this.