I feel awful for coming here with this after being mostly absent for the last several months. Thank you so much for supporting me in spite of that.

I'm reaching out as much as I can. I called my case manager this morning and again this afternoon but she may be out of the office. I called the local crisis line, third time this week. I have been emailing and posting and texting and calling everyone who cares about me. Crying and crying and crying.

Inside me is this little, little girl who is so hurt and who needs her mommy to come and fix it. Mommy is the only one who can fix it, and somehow T has become mommy. That girl feels like mommy is the only one who can help, and mommy is the one causing the hurt. I'm trying to soothe her without letting her run the show, because while she is part of me she is not all of me, and the rest of me has responsibilities to attend to.