In the hospital safety is not a factor. When I am this depressed and anxious, I historically have become impulsively suicidal. I have made attempts and have come very close to succeeding. My T can't be with me 24/7 to monitor my safety; the hospital can. The other benefit of the hospital is that my pdoc outpatient is also my pdoc inpatient. Inpatient he can make much quicker adjustments to medications if needed. (He would also really like me to be in the hospital right now.)

I need to be there, but I'm feeling the tug of being the teacher who can't pass off what I am teaching right now to a substitute; it literally is not possible for a substitute to teach this unit. I feel stuck, but that's just the way it is right now. I don't feel safe in my own skin, particularly at night, and that in itself creates anxiety, and it's a pretty vicious cycle. Surely this will let up soon.