Are you meeting with a Therapist? I think it would be most useful in order to help you really answer some of thses questions. Sorry you are struggling as it sounds upsetting to you.

Of course the feedback from others is useful and I understand having a term that describes our experiences can be benificial as well. I have some of the same experiences, am in therapy but don't know a term or label associated with them. It helps to read here and think I fit into X Y or Z catagory but for me my real healing is learing to manage the symptoms and my expierence of them independent of the lable/name It is challenging