preacher, thank you. I mean, thank all of you, but that post especially helped a lot. I'm so caught up in the emotions of this, it is hard if not impossible to get any perspective on it.

But yes, she keeps changing the boundaries, and every time she does it creates a lot of pain for me. I wonder if she isn't aware deep down that she's doing that, because when this kind of emotion gets stirred up in me she almost always reacts with anger and with pushing me away. I think she doesn't want to see or face that she has made mistakes that have hurt me.

I don't blame her for all the problems, at all. I know that I can be difficult and frustrating at times. I told her that today, actually, and I tell her a lot: I know I'm impossible to deal with when I'm like this. And then I ask: Please help me learn how to not be impossible to deal with.

She told me today that she's taking Monday off, and she doesn't work Fridays anyway, so she has a 4 day weekend coming up and I know she needs it. She sounded tired, sad, and frazzled when we spoke this morning. I'm going to try my very hardest to leave her alone for those 4 days and give us both time to think and reflect.

I hadn't actually been contacting her on the weekends much lately, but I know it will be hard when I have so much hurt and confusion that only she can clear up. It will be hard, but it's what we both need. More importantly, it's what I need. I need to learn ways to get through this stuff without T.

adding more to follow up on my post from this morning: my case manager is out sick today. I'm hoping she will be back tomorrow so I can talk to her before the weekend. The main thing I want to talk about with her is my options regarding finding another T. The case mgr herself has offered to be my T in the past, but she only has a BA and isn't a therapist really. I just think I need to deal with someone who has more experience and training in dealing with people like me.