Outside of myself, mypdoc and my T, I am so alone in this bipolar thing. I am currently in the middle of a "secret" depression because everyone else in my life don't want to hear about it. This week I have spent entire days in bed with the exception of going to pick up my kids and making them lunch. I had to cancel my T appointment this week because my son was sick. He isn't old enough to be home alone for an hour+, and I didn't want to drag him out and make him wait in a waiting room with the way he was feeling. I spent that morning in bed, and then I went to pick up my youngest, dragging my sick guy in the car with me, we headed home, I made lunch, and went back to bed. Did it today too. I am beating myself up for it because I know I am not supposed to do that. I am supposed to use my coping skills that a bunch of people have been spending their time teaching me.

My mother asks if I am OK and I say yes. She likes to get into long detailed discussions when I feel bad and I just want to avoid that.

I tried to share with my husband how my week has been going. I said, "I am really sucking wind this week." Before I could elaborate, he was right on my answer telling me that I am fine. I shut right up because I get really angry when someone tells me how I am feeling unless I ask for that kind of help.