I wonder also with transference. I've repeated a similar cycle many, many times and like you have known logically that if I kept paying there would be no reason for him to leave and yet the extreme fear of abandonment repeatedly reoccurs. I suppose there are elements of transference in there? as far as, that others have hurt or left or rejected us and yet with T's it can seem so much stronger and our fears get so magnified and there is such emotional turmoil and yet through all of this, we continue with it. I'm sorry your T won't talk about this with you though; talking about these feelings is a big part of the help your T can provide and it helps to work through it Quitting doesn't sound good either any chance you can continue?