There is anger, and then there is anger directed at the self.

First off, there is no such thing as a perpetual "loser".
You will loose some and win some.

At some point, you will have to find a workable way to express the anger.
It has to go somewhere.
It does not have to harm you or anyone in the process.

Eventually you will see the grief and sorrow behind it.

It is time to respect yourself.