I"m not an expert, but maybe this is a hurdle that you have to get across and it was put right in your path to do just that. Just blurt it out, no matter how hard, we all love you unconditionally here, we don't want to judge you. I know God doesn't bring you to this kind of stuff, but I do know that he'll bring you THROUGH this. (((((((((((bethy)))))))))). I prayed for you on schedule the other day, and haven't gotten a chance to get back in touch with you. Sorry it was so triggering for you. Be safe.