Finally. . .I can completely relate to this. I have no need to attend class reunions because I have acquaintences but no "real" friends. I was "ditched" when my so-called friend found out I was depressed because she is upset at people for feeling down and out and feeling sorry for themselves and sleeping all the time, she can't understand why anyone would WANT to do that. Some people just do not have a clue what it is like to hurt so deep. I think that maybe you haven't found that person for you. Some people can have groups of friends and keep up with all of them. I am more of a one friend kind of person. I don't do well in groups because I am afraid of being made fun of and groups tend to pair off into cliques. I can totally relate, but don't be so hard on yourself. I always considered my mother to be my best friend, because she loved me unconditionally and she endured the same abuse I did and she could relate totally to everything I was feeling. I hope you find friends here, it may take some time, but they are here. Good luck.