i'm not putting this in the abuse forum because i use an example in my life but everyone can contribute about their life in this thread. i lived in an abusive marriage for 13+years. at the time i did feel powerless because the laws did not protect me-domestic dispute they called it and the police left time and time again. then the laws changed. (it's not my nature to blame others for my own misfortune however but i know that it is easy to do so.) i had sought out counsel with a lawyer. i was desperate and the only way out i thought was doing the unmentionable. i became powerful when i used the legal system to remedy the problem, protection orders, contempt of court re him, etc. during that time i joined a support group for persons abused. i became empowered with what i learned. this experience of no longer being the "victim" has changed my life. i learned to set boundaries, i learned how to avoid abusers, etc. coupled with therapy. i told T i never wanted to be in that type of situation again. he taught me the red flags. most importantly i learned i had value and no longer felt less than. i am no longer a victim. i am a survivor. i am empowered in all facets of my life. no pity pot for me.
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"I can't help it!" "I had no choice." "You just don't understand." "I didn't mean it!" "You ruined my life!" "You made me do it!" These are the words of someone who has a Victim identity. But while they convey powerlessness, they are actually quite powerful.
They are powerful because other people believe these words have merit. And these people very often take the power that is being handed to them with these words. They are then putty in the hands of the Victim, picking up the responsibility for the Victim's life. But these words are not true. It isn't true that a person can have "no choice." It isn't true that we "can't help" doing what we do. It isn't true that we can do something without at least unconsciously meaning to do it. It isn't true that someone can ruin another person's life. It isn't true that other people can make us do things. And the most powerful words of all--you just don't understand--are meant to put the icing on the cake, for these words say that the Victim is so special that no one can understand his dilemma, which means this Victim wins the Victim contest, hands down.
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http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...lessness-power
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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