My Support Forums - View Single Post

zooropa · Oct 28, 2011, 11:06 AM

I sent this to T last night:

Quote:

First of all, please know that this is not a list of demands. It's not a list of conditions. It's just what feels like what I need to feel safe in order to terminate therapy the way you want me to.
This is a lot to read, and a lot to think about. You don't have to read it right now, and you don't have to reply. I just ask that you read it before I see you next, and take some time to think about it so when we talk we will be on the same page.

I need to know that you want to continue to work with me.

I need to know that this isn't personal. (it being: you choosing to end therapy)

I need honesty from you about that, and about whether it is in fact personal.

I need you to not address therapy interfering behavior with me between sessions. I need to address that stuff within the sessions, and if it occurs between sessions then I need it to wait.

I need you to accept me where I am. Not where you think I should be, not where I appear to be,not where I used to be, but where and who I actually am.

I need you to continue to believe, and to tell me, that I can change and that I am changing, and to help me do that.

I need you to coach me, not by saying "use the skills," but by either asking me what skills I've used, asking me if I can think of a skill to use, or telling me what skill to use. Just telling me "use the skills" is like a basketball coach telling his players "play basketball!" It has to be more specific than that.
I need you to be available to coach me.

I need to relearn, or just brush up on, the distress tolerance skills as well as relearning the emotion regulation skills.

I need you to help me explore what I'm feeling and help me find ways of coping with that.

I need you to explore your own feelings with someone other than me.

I need a lot of reassurance. It is part of the way I think, I question everything. If someone said something yesterday, is it still true today? I sometimes need more reassurance than other times, and I sometimes need the same reassurance over and over and over.

I need you to be consistent and calm.

I need you to observe and respect your limits so you don't reach a point where you are unable to be calm and consistent with me.

I need you to observe and respect my limits, too.

I need a plan for what is going to happen during the rest of my therapy, and a plan for afterward.

I need a gradual tapering off in a time frame that works for me.

I need to have time to talk about the things that are going on in my life.

I need this to end well because if it doesn't I'm afraid I will never allow myself to trust anyone again.

I need validation that what I'm experiencing is "normal" and that I'm right where I should be. That pain is part of the process, and not a sign that something is wrong.

I need to know that you care about me, and that you will continue to care about me.

I need to know that I'm going to be okay.