I think I'm having a bit of a bad week.. or two. I feel so sad, angry and lonely. I can't take it. I'm just constantly having all these negative thoughts and stuff. I'm having to constantly distract myself by listening to music or drawing or watching films but I'm getting tired of it. I don't want to have to keep distracting myself. As soon as I'm not doing anything I get upset all over again. I'm running out of ways to distract myself because I'm too tired and I can't be bothered to do anything.

I used to talk to people because they'd distract me but I haven't really talked to anyone properly for ages. Except my mum and brother of course I still haven't talked to my closest friends for ages. I guess thats my fault. I'm avoiding them and I don't know why. I used to mainly talk to online friends but everyone seems to be too busy to talk or they just have stopped talking to me for whatever reason.

I was trying to find a job at the beginning of this week but it's so hard. I can't concentrate and I keep thinking it's all going to go wrong anyway and I won't get a job so there's no point. My shyness will ruin everything or something. Every time I try and look for a job I just so fustrated. I wish I didn't have to work but I know if I got a job it would be a massive distraction, hopefully. Plus I really need the money now.

I'm just trying so hard but it's so difficult. I just wish I had motivation to do things but I don't know how to get it. :/