My boyfriend is understanding and supportive sometimes, and sometimes he isn't. But the deed is done. At one point, my mom said to me I might have to come back Monday, and my stomach dropped inside. I can make my arrangements over the phone, the funeral guy said, thank goodness. I can't do that again. My mom doesn't get how hard it is on my OCD.

I'm not upset too much dealing with the funeral arrangements themselves--that's not to say it's pleasant--but it's my OCD that's hard to deal with. Feeling dirty and having to go through all my washing rituals when I come home. It's tiring physically and mentally.