Quote:
Originally Posted by tohelpafriend
Yes, my daughter dropped the news on me out of the blue in 2002 that she was a lesbian, and felt she had been from high school. I think there's much more to the choice in sexual expression than yielding, like the difference in male/female anatomy.
I did alot of research on the subject, and all the experts agree it has much to do with
not being "born that way", but of the mother/daughter bond and identity. The fallout has been her refusal to see me because my beliefs don't allow it; this has all caused pain, loss of her love and time with her and a shattering of the bond between us. Is that a good thing; I don't think so. I've been attracted to women for who they were, but never could imagine sexuality with one. Studies further prove out long term guilt and chronic illnesses, shortened life in male and female homosexual sexual acts. The sadness and loss of seeing her has brought more pain into my life than anything. My love is unconditional for her; but she is the one who has laid down the terms....all my lifestyle or nothing, Mom. Is that love?
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Ok...I'm going to try to explain this in an logical, intelligent way instead of just starting an argument here. I know previous replies have already mentioned a lot of the things I'm going to, but I just feel like I should say this too.
First off, I highly doubt it was "out of the blue." Coming out, especially to a parent, is one of the hardest things a person does and is almost always thought about for a very long time, especially when coming out to someone close to you. Just because it seemed out of the blue for you, I can almost guarantee you it wasn't for her, especially considering the fact that you said she had known since high school.
Another thing you mentioned caught my eye....you mentioned something about the "choice" in sexual expression. Are you implying that she chose to be lesbian, or am I just misreading things?
Now the part that quite honestly confuses me a bit. You did research and ALL the "experts" believe you can't just be born a certain way, in this case lesbian, but it must be linked to a parental bond? Um...what research exactly? Most RECENT research suggests that no single cause has been identified, but causes may include genes, prenatal hormones, and brain structure. In other words, people may in fact be "born that way." You said "Studies further prove out long term guilt and chronic illnesses, shortened life in male and female homosexual sexual acts." Guilt from what? What chronic illnesses? Most importantly, what research?
Last, but likely most importantly, what you stated as the fallout of this. You said she refuses to see you...have you considered that maybe it is just too painful for her? You say your beliefs don't allow it...but this is who she is. When someone condemns a person's sexuality, it feels like a personal attack on them and not just disapproval of an aspect of them. Put simply, when you say your beliefs don't allow it, it is like saying your beliefs do not allow her existence. Because
this is just who she is. Maybe she refuses to see you because you refuse to see her for who she really is. You said this has caused you pain...imagine what she must feel. Lack of acceptance is one of the hardest things to deal with,
especially from a family member. Believe me, it hurts.
So you love her unconditionally...show it. This is one of those things you just can't change. You don't have to necessarily like this aspect of her, but please try to just accept it. Believe me, it means alot more to her than you may realize.
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Now to the original poster:
Not gay here, but bi. Welcome to PC
