I've been with my SO for 4 1/2 years. 2 years ago, I moved out for a month. I kept in contact with him almost every day. Last year, I left for a couple of days and thought about leaving for good. I know that I tend to push people away when they're getting "too" close. I have such intense fear, when things are going well. I now realize that both times that I left, I was having major BPD "flare ups." I have come to realize when I feel like pushing and fight hard no to. I'll tell him "I feel like pushing you and the girls (his kids) away." He just tells me "well I'm not going to let you. We need you and love you."

At times I do feel like him & the girls deserve better. Its at those times that I'm normally thinking in extremes and have to force myself to remember the good times and realize that these feelings will pass.

So I can relate to where your coming from. Hope it gets better for you.