I know that you guys would be blessed to be able to go to a program like the one I go to, but I'm not happy even with what I have.

I asked my program counselor if I could go back on Fridays (so I could be going 3 days a week, and I explained the groups that I want from the Friday schedule).

She told me that if I wanted to adjust my schedule we would have to have another meeting and that we've had a lot of meetings recently, and she wants me to become more stable with the schedule I have now. She says in a couple of months I have my scheduled treatment plan meeting and if I wanted to change anything then, that would be the time to do it, but she wants me to adjust to my current 2 days a week.

I'm very annoyed at her for not letting me come back to program 3 days a week. The way she talks (and this is just my un-rational thinking I know), she makes me feel like I'm not welcome to the program.

Now I don't think it's fair that I can't go back to program 3 days a week. I need something to help keep me busy during the day too so I don't ruminate about negative things.

There are 2 people at program that I know that have a job and still come to program 3 days a week. (so I don't think it's a job that's keeping her from putting me back on a 3 day a week schedule)

I also know someone at my program who has more independence (I think) than I do and she goes to program 3 days a week too.

If other people can go to program 3 days a week and not be given a hard time with, why can't I be in program 3 days a week.

Not only this, but the days I am there I feel like they are pushing me to do things that I'm not ready to work on. Like, oh look on the web for volunteer jobs, call numbers, but I'm not ready to go that step yet, I want to level out from my other job mess.

I have my counselors work email (she gave it to me), and I was thinking of writing her a message, but I don't know if it would be helpful or appropriate.

I've also (and I think because it ties in to my frustration), I want to "make" myself symptomatic so I can go to the hospital "as leverage" or "spite" or "to prove a point".

Why does program have to give me a hard time. I tell them what I feel I need and it doesn't seem like they are listening to me or even acknowledge me.

How should I go about this?
~ Andy