I'm so sorry your feeling this way. I was feeling just the same as you are now 2 weeks ago. I was going to conference for 3 days. My kids were with my parents. My boyfriend was busy with his own things. It was the perfect time, I had a plan, and I was happy about it but...When I am feeling suicidal I always think of my two girls and how horrible it would be for them to grow up without a mother. I think of them crying for me and needing me. I get tears in my eyes even thinking of it right now. I always tell myself to keep going for them, that they need me. I may not be the best mother by being depressed sometimes but I need to be here for them. I don't ever want them to feel as bad as I have felt through my depressions. I need to be here to recognize signs of mental illness so I can get them help early, so they do not suffer like I have. I think of my boyfriend, my parents, and friends who may blame themselves for me committing suicide. I know my bf would blame himself and would go through a horrible depression himself. It would be so selfish of me to inflict all this pain on others by ending my own with suicide. I'd rather suffer through my own pain then spread the "plaque" of depression. Even in my lowest of lows, these thoughts always keep me from doing anything and getting through the night.

I hope your not alone right now. Is your husband there? Have a friend come over. You don't have to tell them how your feeling. Just don't be alone right now.