To me it means something about trying to control what you can't control. There are so many ways to do that. Wanting to know what we can't know - the unknown, the future, how something will turn out, other's thoughts, other's intentions, other's motivations, etc.

Learning to be able to deal with what life hands me is something that just keeps expanding. The better I can deal with what comes my way, the wider my world becomes because I don't try to avoid having things come my way. It is almost like perpetual motion.

When I began therapy I wanted a do-over. I wanted my T to be someone who knew just what I wanted and needed and missed out on growing up, and who could then provide me with that so I could be whole. It hasn't worked that way and there was a lot of disappointment to deal with. Instead, she walks beside me and helps me understand what is happening, and helps me learn about myself and about others. About life. Life that is kind and fair sometimes and mean and harsh other times - not intentionally but just because that's how it works. When it is mean and harsh I could spend a week feeling angry, disappointed, betrayed, hurt... but if I can let go of wanting to make it something other than what it is, the pain lessens much more quickly and then I am free.