I haven't been hanging around here for the past few weeks, just trying to get my mind off things, but I feel like things are closing in for just a bit here. I have a fear of the police because I see them as out to get me and I feel like I am a target sometimes! Last week I was tired and driving home in separate cars with my husband and kids from his parents and a cop car followed us home and called for backup so by the time I got home there were two police vehicles at with flashing lights at the end of my driveway. I live in a family oriented quite neighborhood and this drew quite a bit of attention. The said they pulled me over for erratic driving and suspected I had been drinking. I was there in my driveway doing a sobriety test for the neighborhood with my kids running around. I obviously passed...I barely drink and had not had a drink in weeks. Anyway, this felt like a huge interrogation and although there was nothing to give me a ticket for, it left me feeling not quite right and put another coat of orange on my car.

Now this week, on Nov. 1st, one of my abusers is up for parole and I think he will probably be let out of prison. Nov. 3rd, marks the anniversary of the worst psychiatric admission for me ever. It took me 1000 steps backwards and inflicted the same type of torture that I originally suffered through. I feel like once again I am emerging out only to be cracked back on the head again. The smell in the air makes me want to cringe.

Just had to vent. The cycle of PTSD. Gotta love it. I am good at identifying it now.