Tsol, I'm very worried about you. I've told you my story. I know what happened to me wasn't anywhere near what happened with you and your boyfriend. But I am seriously worried about you. I can't remember whether or not you are in any sort of therapy, but if you aren't, I really feel that you should try to find someone to talk to to help ease your pain. I understand how exhausted you are. But for me, I could at least understand what happened, and with understanding forgiveness can come. But in your case, I'm not sure I can understand it at all. I hate to say it, but I think you might need a break... Just so you can take care of you, and not worry about holding this relationship together. It doesn't have to be a permanent break, but I think it would help you, clear your mind, remember who is your number one priority (ps, it's you! )

Tsol, I'm thinking of you. I haven't forgotten you or your struggle, and I'm really hoping you can find some peace for yourself. Take care