So 4 days on from seeing T last and my brain has been working overtime processing that session.

I know I perceived T as different that day and initially was really confused about this - Had I done something to upset him? Why was he being mean? Did I share something in the last e-mail that I shouldn't have? etc. etc.

I know I felt a range of things, vulnerable, alone, trapped, terrified etc. etc. etc.

But today I am left with the question of whether it really matters if he was different or not. This is not about him, it is about me. So I am asking myself 2 things:

1. How was it for me to sit in a room with someone who seemed different / unfamiliar?
2. How could I have been different in response?

I hope how I feel today lasts until Tuesday. My head has stopped spinning and it is much clearer. I know I am in no physical danger from T and as long as I can manage my feelings / behaviours in response to his prods and pokes, then I can just about get myself to a place where I think it is positive and beneficial for T to be a different person every week if he wants - for this is how I am going to learn about myself....isn't it?