Madisgram I think its great that you got yourself out of that situation & you have the mindset to do whatever it takes not to be out in that position again. Not only that you discovered your worth & value...w/o that we tend to let ourselves get treated any kind of way. Kudos to you *hugs*

I was raped at the age of 19 by my cousin's boyfriend...I'm 22 yrs now & still haven't dealt with it. At the time it happened I was forced to go to the ER by my Godmother in which I was forced to tell my family. Let's just say that didn't turn out well at all. Not only that the police didn't seem like I was being truthful because I guess my reaction to it wasn't how they think a person who just got raped would react. They said I waited too long to say something which was only about 5 hrs after the actual rape happened & they also said there was no evidence...only his word against mine. So I didn't go through with trying to put him away. I was going back to college in a couple of months & things were just extremely too stressful to deal with. So I definitely felt powerless in that situation. Even as I'm typing this I still feel completely numb.

The effects of it was my grandma dying almost a month later because she was sick & the stress of my attack only made her even more sick. So of course I blame myself for her death & I will live with that for the rest of my life. Now I have absolutely no contact with my family & obviously they don't care enough to reach out to me. What's even more disturbing is that my cousin is still with him. You would think family looks out for family, but apparently not.

Hopefully one day I can truly heal from this along with other issues. I still have nightmares & flashbacks. I recently refused to continue to talk to a guy because his touch & the way he looked reminded me of that day. I don't know when or how I will be able to deal with this, but til then I will stat completely numb. I'm afraid to allow myself to feel because of how I may react. So I can understand the powerlessness as power.