You agree with my mom? That I should just let my family help themselves to what my husband has worked hard for, until it's depleted and we have nothing left for us? Or did I misunderstand? If I did, please correct me.

No, I am not glad my family felt they were free to just walk into my house and do as they pleased. That's why I moved to Washington, while they're in Kentucky. When I lived near them, my siblings sometimes even brought dates over and expected to be allowed to party all night, at my place, playing loud music and leaving a mess, even if I had someplace to go early the next morning. If I objected, I was selfish and a control freak. For a specific example, I told my sister that she and her partying, drinking, drug-using friends could not stay all night. She laughed, and then called out to her friends, "You hear that? We have to leave at 5:00 AM." (That's when the local bars closed.)

My husband is much better at setting those boundaries than I am. Often he can lay down the law and be respected, while I can say the same thing and have it go in one ear and out the other. Our house isn't big or "fancy," but it is everything we need, and we are comfortable instead of crowded in it. He feels he has worked hard to obtain his own personal sanctuary, and he doesn't want others barging in. They can do what he did; work hard and get their own. And I agree with him.

Is my mother correct that the older sister should continue to look out for the younger sister? I believe the playing field levels at age 18, and we are in our 40's. I never was actually "responsible" for her, although in childhood it often felt that way, and I am certainly not responsible for her now. I am married to a man with a steady career, and no addictions eating up the money he earns. She chose to marry a man with an unstable job history and a prison record; in fact she married him while he was in prison. Now (surprise!) her life is not as comfortable and happy as mine is. Is this my fault? Do I owe it to her to share-and-share-alike, giving to her until she has as much as I do, just because I made a good life choice and she made a bad one?

I understand helping out when family members fall on hard times, but what about those who STAY on hard times? At what point does sharing with family become simply being taken advantage of?