I think the problem is the definition and identification of "victim". The only reason I can see for defining and identifying myself as victim is to ask for help from some specific one else. If I have been raped, I need to go to the hospital and police. If I was abused as a child and was unable to get help then, I need to find a social worker or therapist now, someone who wishes to help me. If I am in an abusive situation, I need to find a women's shelter and counseling, police, whatever, to help me out of it.

Being victimized, to me, is a "problem" that needs solving, not an identification that goes with mother, daughter, worker-bee, wife, grown woman with three brothers, etc.

No growth or problem solving in life is easy or automatic and most of it takes time. If someone has nothing useful to say to me other than to "blame" me for my problems, I am not going to include that person in my quest for helpers? I am going to listen to what they have to say, see if I can understand where they are coming from and why they say what they say and if there is any truth in their point of view but I'm not going to take anything that anyone else says about my life and situation as a given.

I may be really messed up and unable to tell "which end goes up" but complaining and waiting for someone else to care and help in going to take a heck of a lot longer than my reaching out and grabbing hold of something, anything, and trying to right myself by my own understanding of my situation.

We can't change the other people; can't make them help or even be helpful. It's all on us, whether we like it or not; it's our life, the other people are just actors on our stage, like the weather and other stage props.