so i guess you being wanted to be treated as a professional by a professional (trusted, honest, etc in a safe open environment) is not going to happen if you feel the need to assume that there will always be a trust issue.

i guess my concern ,issue what ever is that there will never be enough to satisfy your levels of anger towards this t & towards any other one. the newer t has not done anything to harm you or damage your trust in 8 months but still you treat her as tho she will damage you. the one who did harm you you insist on revisiting to the point of self harm (physical & mental).

to me therapy is a matter of trust...i have to be willing to place some trust in the skills of the practicioner..just as i am in the skills of the mechanic, surgeon etc. i have many skills..& can fix many things...but some things i am not
able to do on my own. for those issues i need help...i must assume after checking the credentials of the mechanic, surgeon etc that they are skilled at their craft. yes it is a leap of faith...if it doesn't work out then i can opt to never return file a complaint with the required reporting agency or just simply chalk it up to a lesson learned & move on. but as some point regardless i
must move on & ahead..the car, my body..what ever the issue is must get repaired..the initial issue has to get resolved. wallowing, fuming raging against it does not solve the initial issue that brought me to the contractor in the first place.
you aren't taping the sessions to learn from them..you only want to tape them to see if you can catch someone in a trap...honestly it sounds like you want them to screw up.
to me it's just sad..so different from how i do my therapy...