I'm not gonna elaborate...I think I'm just gonna list stuff.
1) anniversary of my dad's death yesterday
2) yelled at my bosses yesterday and got reprimanded
3) Been yelling at my Partner. I do that a lot anyway. Still not good
I guess I'm feeling unappreciated, in a lot of areas. How hard is it to say 'thank you'? How hard is it to give a compliment about anything? How hard is it to say 'you're the best thing to come along since the gods made women' or something like that? Am I so bad that I'm no longer worth anything? Apparently so. Apparently, I'm supposed to take every grain of crap that comes my way, shut my mouth and sit in a corner.
I know where all these feelings are coming from, and yet they get mixed in with everything going on now. I want to yell and scream until my head explodes! I want to hit somebody. I want to make people suffer, like I suffered, and like I still suffer. It's almost like I'm not allowed to say anything, or feel anything. I've thought many times about maybe closing myself off in that protective bubble I made for myself years ago. Not talking to anybody, just getting routine things done and blocking out the rest of the world. Not allowed to do that either. I guess I'm stuck. AARRRGGGHHH!!!!