Quote:
Originally Posted by roseleigh7
Was I just born with too much NEED? I feel like I NEED too much and I always have. I know that no one really gets ALL their needs filled from babyhood, but lots of people don't turn out so messed up like me.
I feel hopeless. I think I can never get this hole inside me filled. No one can ever love me, let alone like me. I just want out somehow. I can't, CANNOT live with myself. It's too painful.
I don't want to go to therapy anymore. Maybe I'm done with it? How do you know when you're "unhelpable?"
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This is exactly how I felt when I was depressed. But my T had enormous charisma (does she know that?) and I needed her so badly I kept going back. (It wasn't easy and I did cancel sometimes.) And it turns out my hole COULD be filled and I WAS helpable.
I don't believe that nobody loves you. Love takes many forms. You won't believe this, but the world is full of love.
I remember when I first realised this, not so many years ago. I would see friends talking to each other in the street, subconsciously mirroring each other's postures. "Wow", I thought, "That's love. And it's been there all the time and I never saw it."
I hope you get to experience that.