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i stopped seeing that therapist and have started seeing a clinical psychologist, who's really nice. the crisis team are useless they don't even call back after me calling 5 times saying it was urgent.
While I was in emergency they treated me really badly. They didn't take anything i was saying seriously and when i said i wanted to go home and they ended up putting me under the mental health act so i didn't leave, i heard them say that i wanted to be put under the mental health act.
When i got home the first thing i did was compromise with the voices and cut instead of killing myself. Then i was so upset i cried for hours even though we had visitors over i just locked myself in my room and cried. I decided i wanted nothing to do with the crisis team or the hospital so i tried to cancel my appointment i had that afternoon, and after leaving 5 messages with the crisis team saying it was urgent that they called me back i gave up trying to cancel it and decided to just not go. Then they called me back 30minutes before the appointment and said that i needed to go. So i left the house still in tears to go to the appointment.
At the appointment it was a doctor i'd met before in ED and he was fairly nice, and the psychologist who was there was nice too. The doctor started talking about an admission and i said i'd go voluntarily as long as it was a proper admission and not just a 24hour admission because the 24hour admissions haven't been helping, so he went out and called the consultant psychiatrist and then he came back in and said i was going into the psychiatric emergency care centre and would be reviewed on a day by day basis. Then they had to take me across to emergency because even though i didn't think i needed them they said i needed stitches. That was Friday.
Saturday morning a different doctor reviewed me and said that i'd be in until Monday. Then a few hours later one of the nurses came in and said i was being discharged at 4pm Saturday because i "didn't really need to be there".
I know that i am not being taken seriously because i have been diagnosed with borderline. When i spoke to my old case manager on Thursday he said that he thought it might happen as soon as i was diagnosed with borderline no one would take me seriously.
I have decided that i am having nothing to do with them anymore. I'm not going back to ED and i'm not answering any calls from the crisis team. Also I am taking myself of my meds. I am sick of being treated like crap because someone decided i have BPD even though i don't fit all the criteria.
I'm really worried about a friend at the moment, she's really depressed, the worst i've seen her.. and i have seen her depressed, we used to live together so i'd say i know her pretty well. i don't know how i can help her. Georgi, if your reading this i love you <3.
my arm is killing me and all bruised where she put the stitches in, but all i want to do is make it worse.
my cousin and her partner are going out for drinks tonight and they are trusting me to be home alone...
i just don't know what to do anymore.
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