Is it actually living when you spend every waking moment in isolation, scared or worried what others will think or how they will act towards you in public? Let me ask another question, are there individuals (women) out there that would want to be with someone with such issues like Bipolar, Borderline Personality Disorder, OCD, PTSD, Social Anxiety Disorder (where you end up having to leave a full cart of food and such in the store)? I have talked to a few people through out the years that have said, yes, they would. However, I have never experienced this for myself as of yet. Mind you, Im not saying I have never had someone in my life as a gf, yet, over time those that have been in my life usually learn within’ the first year they had made a mistake, and wish to leave.
Not trying to paint myself out to be a bad person here, as I have a lot of good qualities. Some being Kind hearted, Caring and Genuine. 100% Honest, and completely faithful in a relationship. I do not cheat, nor do I lie in a relationship, or otherwise in general. I like to think of myself as a real person, one that is not fake, or says one thing yet does another. I go out of my way for those close to me, especially if I have a woman in my life. I love to spend as much time with the person Im with, yet, there have been some who have said I was clingy, needy, or smothering. Personally, I say to each their own. As others would say, You just haven’t met the right person yet. I like to also think of myself as a Christian, trying hard to get my life right with the lord. Even though I sin on a daily basis.
With the Anxiety attacks, long with bipolar. I have found it extremely hard to work a normal job. Usually only being able to hold down a job for 4 to 5 months at a time. Although I believe I have found something that will help. Will explain more in detail about this later. There are times when I spend ungodly amounts of time alone and wont go anywhere. Other times I will sit out side in my SUV in the parking lot of a local food store trying to force myself to go inside and get what I need. More times than not I will drive away and go home.
I have spent years researching my issues however, trying to find a solution to my problem. I did not wish to give in to self defeat. It has not been a easy journey though. Years later, with countless hours trying to find a ways to help myself, which I believe I have found one. Its actually quite simple to be honest. ........ Since I was in my late 20’s I had been on a number of med’s and since than have chosen not to adhere to taking a man made medication. I have found that staying away from certain foods and such, along with taking a multi-vitamin for men, fish oil (soft gel) tablets, and ginseng have helped me greatly. Only had a few down days in the last month since i started taking the vitamin's and such.
I will sadly admit however that I still suffer from very low self esteem, low confidence, and hardly any self worth, so to speak. When all is said and done though I don’t think very highly of myself. Im writing this to see if my view’s on all this are wrong, or if Im really being what my friends all say, “Being way to hard on myself“. However, at this time I feel like a woman can do better than me due to my disorders. For the last 4 years I have thought no one would want to have a man like me in theirs lives, as the disorders can be very hard to deal with.
Yet again, not trying to paint myself as a bad person. I just like being honest about myself and upfront with people. I don’t like making myself out to be something Im not. Nor do I like having people think Im something I am not. So, in conclusion to all that has been said thus far. The one question that has plagued me for the last 4 years is. Are there women out there that would want a man like me in their life? And if so, how U doing? Haha, just trying to make a funny hehe. :-D
I want to thank you all for taking the time to read this post. I would also like to ask one more thing, please, I repeat, please if you dont have anything nice to say, please keep it to yourself? I would also appreciate if you are going to post something to this, please refrain from being negative. I would greatly appreciate it, thank you all again. And take care