Nexy Friday, I'm going under the knife and getting my tonsils out. I've read many times it's risky for adults to do this, but I have to. So... after the surgery I have to quit.

The only thing is, it's become a bit of a weird addiction for me. As far as the normal smoking goes.

I've smoked since before I met my H 10 years ago and he doesn't smoke. I got pregnant twice and quit both times, but each time, after about a month of having my girls, I started smoking again. That's when H started convincing me people shouldn't know I smoke. So for years now I've been hiding it from everybody. Over time this has made me stop doing social things, wanting to just stay home, so I wouldn't have to go for hours without smoking. Like last weekend. H wanted to go to the zoo with the girls and I. I love the zoo! But as usual, because I know I'd have to go all day without smoking, I didn't go, and sat at home wishing I was there. He does all kinds of things with them on the weekends and I stay home because of this. Same thing with friends. Many years ago I did have a friend or two. But because I was hiding this secret I'd turn them down when they'd ask me to do things and of course eventually they stopped asking.

This addiction has isolated me from people for about 4 years now, and I can't wait to get rid of it!! I'm going to smoke my last one right before surgery and have the patch waiting for when I'm on my way home. I hope my plan works, I gotta get rid of this terrible habit.