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Im sorry you're so upset Quiet one... Things can be so hard. I get so tired of people labelling me as well sometimes. I don't think it's just because of the borderline, I think really it's a space and money issue with the hospital unfortunately. When I was hospitalized they found over 70 fresh cuts on my when I was admitted. I was only in for 5 days and was starting to do better. The doctors and I were working well together and they saw the progress I was making but they also saw I wasn't better. I was still cutting and I was still restricting my food and I would still cry all the time and our sessions were not the easiest. I knew I needed another 10 days or so in there but the moment word came in that my insurance did not want to cover the bill since it was a out of state hospital (only 30 minutes from where I lived though) they all of a sudden tell me "You're doing great! You will be just fine on your own! You're ready to go!" and I told them I wasn't ready. That I needed to be in there a little while longer. But they sent me on my way. I did so well there...
So 2 days later (as I knew would happen, but didn't think so soon after) I was admitted to another hospital the insurance company would not cover. I went willingly like the first one but at the new hospital, their idea of therapy was cleaning their property and taking walks. That was all we did. Oh and we did worksheets in a classroom with all the other kids in the room with us. So since I admitted myself I was able to leave and left after only 3 days on my own. I still cut. When I left the second hospital though I knew it was up to me to fix myself at that point. It was obvious to me that I wanted to get better, otherwise I wouldn't have gone to the hospital looking for help. But they didn't want to help me get better so I knew I had to do it by myself. The last day I cut was 2 days after that second hospital visit. My life and mental state are FAR from perfect to this day but I no longer cut and no longer have the urge to SI at all really.
Unfortunately too many people are motivated by the wrong reasons and seem to car little about us, sometimes it's up to us to fix things. It will make you a much stronger person and more confident in yourself and the way you handle future situations. I'm sorry again for the pain you are dealing with and I wish you all the best and I hope to hear from you again soon! Take care!
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I'd lock my hands behind my head, I'd cover my heart and hit the deck, I'd brace myself for the impact if I were you.
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