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Madisgram, thank you for sharing. I was in an abusive relationship for 23+ years. Prior to that I lived with an abusive parent. I wasn't aware things could be different until my therapist helped me start to see there could be. It was a l-o-n-g hard road from being a terrified little rabbit to the person I am toda. At one point, towards the end of therapy, my T told me I had to learn to "forgive and forget." I told him I might reach foregiveness one day, but I was never going to forget because I'd end up back in the same situationa all over again.
As for the various responses about someone being a "victim". IMHO, there is a difference between what madisgram talked about and what the blogger she quoted talked about. Again, IMHO, someone who has experienced abuse has been victimized - they are a "victim." I disagree with the blogger. It is possible for one person to control another person's actions. That's how abusers function. An abusive spouse does not walk up to a total stranger and belt them in the face. There is an ongoing process of wearing the person down in order to convince them they deserve the abuse. Before I entered therapy I truly did not beleive I had any control over what happened to me. I believed I deserved it when my husband hit me. I know differently now. I've learned, but at the time I did not know I had a choice.
It seems to me the blogger is talking more about people who have what I call a "victim mindset." These are people who use being a "victim" in order to manipulate others. Be giving the appearance of being helpless they actually use that to control other people.
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