My therapist says when I start to do better I get scared and start doing "unwell" behaviors again. I realize I do this. Right now I'm cutting hundreds of times a day. I know this is "bad" behavior, but it's like I don't want to stop, not that i can't, but that I don't want to. I find this really sad that I sabotage myself. I don't understand why I am scared?

Does anyone else understand this or have any insight?