At times it feels really really safe to be with T something I have never experienced before in my life and the thought of oneday not seeing T again can be hard, like imagining a bereavement - so for me I can see the benefits of not moving forward as that beings the end of the relationship with T a little closer.

Take care, I know the SI stuff can be hard to resist at times, but although it helps in the short term the scarring as we all know can be permanent. Is there a part of you that deserves kindness?