Trippin,
You have stopped your psych meds, because you didn't want to take pills anymore, right? If you won't take them to control your BP, then why take them at all...even to numb the pain and hurt.

I think you should examine WHAT is causing the pain and hurt instead of covering it up- It's the dysfunctional relationship you're in. If you let him go you will make room for someone new to come into your life- as long as you cling to hope that he will be what you want him to be, then your heart is closed to any other possibilities.

Just a thought...